I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
