Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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