Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
