Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
