I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
