I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
