I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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