He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
