Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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