your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
