shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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