Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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