I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
