I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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