Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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