all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
