Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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