I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
