Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
