hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
