i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
