Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
