Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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