so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
