Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
