people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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