Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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