the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
