We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
