i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
