we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
