You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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