I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just found a bag of teeth...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
