There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
