If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
