my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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