I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
