Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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