I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
