Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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