I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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