i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
