Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
