Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
