His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
