Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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