i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
