I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
