god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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