Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
