32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
