Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
