its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
