I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
