Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
