You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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